Guppies, Guppies!... and more Ugly Guppies.

Guppies are fascinating creatures, don't you think? They come in glimmering colors, feathery tails, and variations of all kinds.

I loved the idea of having a tank full of millions of colorful fish, all glistening like jewels in the sunlight. So, in 7th grade I combined my tank of plain, boring science-experiment female fish, with the colorful, irredescent, multicolored male fish.

My favorite two guppies were Kiko and Zinc, both males. They were Fancy Guppies, with scales like ball-gown dresses. Kiko was a brilliant orange and yellow fish, with a tail so long and feathery it would make any guppy proud. Zinc was my "leopard fish." He was black with golden brown spots along his body.

My female guppies were all transparent, grayish, and ugly. I hoped that any guppy offspring would inherit their father's colors.

A few weeks later we had a brood of baby guppies. There were hundreds of them. Although, some of them gotten even by their parents (hey, it's guppy parenting love!), most of them survived. Like all "guppy fry" they were born clear and ugly. I prayed they would develop their colors.

Our tank was practically filled again when another brood of guppies came. This time with hundreds of more plain, ugly, big-eyed baby fish. I desperately tried to seperate the females and males, not wanting any more fish, but somehow, a few weeks later, there was another batch! What was wrong with these fish? They were multiplying madly!

I decided this was a real emergency. Only so many fish could fit in a tank before there was no more room to move. I had filled 3 tanks full of them and was at a loss as to what to do. All the baby guppies (now older), were ugly and plain. Not one of them had developed their beautiful father's colors! Was ugliness a dominant trait?

I decided I needed to get rid of them... fast. I didn't want guppies anymore. They made messes, ate too much food, swam in circles, and multiplied. What was the use in having them?

I began asking everyone at school if they like guppies. I sounded like somebody on the blackmarket selling illegal wares.

"Hey, do you want some guppies?"

"How many?"

"I don't know, a couple hundred?"

At that point, I would lose all my possible buyers.

Finally, I decided I was desperate. If I didn't find someone to take them, I was going to smuggle them into my neighbor's backyard fish pond... seriously.

I needed to evoke sympathy, and who better to evoke sympathy from, than a vegetarian marine-biologist wanna be? I sought out Lauren, a girl from my grade and told her my terrible, heartwrenching story.

"[Sigh], I don't think my guppies are going to be around for much longer."

"What?"

"Well... you see, I have too many guppies, and if I don't get rid of them, my mom is going to flush them down the toilet."

"What?! How can she do that?"

"I don't know...[dramatic sigh again] it's either that or I find them a home."

"[gasp], you need to find your guppies a home?" She pauses to consider this. "I'll ask my mom if I can take them, and get back to you tomorrow. Just don't let her flush them down the toilet!"

Score 1 to Christine. I went home gleefully and waited until Lauren called me up.

"All right, Christine. My mom says I can take them guppies. I'll be over in 10 minutes."

Not prepared for the suddenness of it all, I gleefully began preparing my hundreds of guppies for transportations and stood waiting for her to come. When she arrived, I shoved the tanks at her before she could reconsider.

"Bye, guppies!" I called, gloating at my own good fortune. "Bye Kiko, Bye Dart, Bye Bubbles, Bye Ugly, Bye Zinc!" I called.

Soon, my hundreds of ugly guppies and 2 fancy guppies were gone... for good. I jumped with glee to have them off my hands. No more fish experiments for me! Now they had gone to a good home- where they had a compassionate, vegetarian marine-biologist owner, and no risk of getting flushed.