6th Grade: Digging Myself A Hole

If you’ve ever faced a middle school depression, you’ll know it’s bad.

Not long after my birthday I suddenly became overwhelmed with what I think of as my “chronic 6th grade depression.” I felt like, no matter what, the future was bleak. I would never become a famous author. I would never be outstanding. I would always be poor, average Christine.

As my depression progressed I started sighing all the time. My mom noticed, and asked why I was sighing so much and I simply shrugged. I became disinterested in everyone and everything. For that whole school year, I sort of “shrank in to my shell”, and hardly spoke to anyone, nor cared if what they thought about me.

I became tired all the time, going to bed at 7:30 pm, and not being able to fall asleep because of insomnia. My face became covered in stress-related acne, and I was constantly getting canker sores in my mouth. I was a wreck, and no matter what, nothing could pull me out of the hole I was digging.

At times I would cry myself to sleep, because I was so sad about my depression. Deep sadness and confusion filled my mind, consuming me. I didn't even know, really, why I was so depressed! I felt unbearably alone, with no one to talk to. I started walking around in a fog, with everything feeling like a dream behind a pane of glass. I was scared.

I realized after 3 months of depression that this situation was bad. Not just bad… dangerous. If I didn’t move on with my life, I would just wilt away! I stopped hiding behind my false “I’m fine” smiles, and started attempting to show real smiles. I thought of good things every morning, and before I went to bed. I started climbing my way out of the hole I had dug, back in to the real world.

6th grade, I can easily say, was the hardest year of my life. Through loneliness, depression, and fear, I ruined my year. To this day, my parents never have learned about my year of depression, nor do I plan on telling them about my days of weakness. However, I learned very strong life lessons through it all. I become positive and perpetually optimistic. I knew that no matter what, thing could be worse. I had faced worse times. Although, over the next year, I would occasionally stumble back into my hole, I always found a way to quickly climb back out. Depression would not define my being.

I started enjoying myself, being kind to others, and doing fun things. I started new hobbies and from then on vowed to “live life to it’s fullest” and follow my dreams. I started writing again, going outside, and seeing friends. The world was a beautiful place. From then on, though, I became a serious 6th grader. I had faced the deepest pits of depression and climbed back out. I was a survivor who had faced terrible times. My face and eyes were more mature, more knowledgeable of the world around them. I had grown up so much in a short period of time. For all you who have faced similar situations: never give up. The sun will come out tomorrow.